8 Ways Acceptance Can Accelerate Your Growth
If you’re only happy with your A game, you won’t be happy very often
The Importance of Acceptance
Last week I posted “You Are Hurting Yourself by Trying to Control Outcomes,” in which, I wrote, “Give each shot your best effort and allow the result to just be the result.” This is an illustration of practicing acceptance. Acceptance is the antithesis of control.
Bob Fancher, author of Pleasures of Small Motions, explained, “If you cannot accept yourself for the player you are, you will constantly undermine your own play. If you accept yourself for the player you are, you can keep your skills and your expectations in line. This is the best recipe for competing well — and for knowing, truthfully, without self-serving excuses, where you need to improve (109).”
Just because you accept something as it is, doesn’t mean that you have to like it or that you don’t want better for yourself.
Acceptance results in less tension and panic when things don’t go our way. Refusing to practice acceptance is resistance, which gives the things you don’t want more space in your mind and, therefore, gives them more power over you.
Practicing Acceptance
In the simplest terms, you practice acceptance by following these steps:
Notice the sensations in your body when you are presented with something that you don’t want (being rejected by someone, missing the 9 ball, realizing that you gained 10lbs, etc.)
Acknowledge the fears and thoughts that activated the sensations
Feel them non-judgmentally
Reframe them — It helps to remember that it’s not a catastrophe to not get what you want
Allow things to be as they are
If the situation is within your control, you can choose to create an action plan to improve your circumstances after you’ve returned to a state of calm.
Practicing acceptance is just that: a practice. Your tolerance for acceptance will be variable or even fleeting, at times, depending on any number of personal factors. It is normal for some days to be easier than others.
This is How Acceptance Can Accelerate Your Growth
When you increase your tolerance for what you find acceptable, you can experience growth as a competitor and as an individual. These are just a few ways practicing acceptance can help you grow.
- Willingness to be Whole
In order to change anything, you must first accept what is. It is okay to accept where you are and want to improve. You move forward by appreciating where you are and how far you’ve come, which are just as valuable as the end goal.
2. Being Realistic and Forgiving
Accepting ourselves leads to the understanding that our best is not attainable most of the time (otherwise it would not be our best). Because we are imperfect, we have A, B, and C games and we don’t always know which one is going to show up when. We have to learn to be okay with that.
3. Increased Curiosity
Being less focused on what should or should not happen can open your mind to new possibilities and options. You are likely to become more curious about why something happened instead of wishing that it did or did not.
4. Detachment from the Results
When I first started tracking my progress on drills, I had a preconceived notion of how I should perform. When I judged my scores as low, I felt ashamed writing them down because I didn’t want to accept low scores as part of myself. Once I started forcing myself to write down the poor scores, it was easier to accept them and see my growth over time as more important than an individual day.
5. Less Self-judgment
When you have resistance to acceptance, you are rejecting yourself, just like I did when I didn’t want to write low scores. You are subconsciously enforcing that you aren’t worthy of acceptance just as you are.
6. Lower Resistance to Change
It takes courage to face the truth, especially if it goes against the image you have of yourself. If you are trying to preserve that image, you are resisting change. Change is the only constant in life. Acceptance can help you go with the flow in the face of change.
7. Keep Things in Perspective
Your growth might feel slow at times, but if you’re putting in the work and paying attention, you should be able to find several ways that you are different from last year. For example, perhaps you improved your success rate for a particular shot, you run 4 balls on average instead of 3, you beat a player you’ve never beaten before. If you ever feel stagnant, take some time to reflect on your accomplishments.
8. Experience More Pleasure
Pool should be fun. Life should be enjoyable. If pool and life don’t bring you joy, figure out why, then ask yourself how you can bring more joy back into your life. There is always something pleasurable just waiting to be noticed.
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Pocket Watch: A blog to share the lessons learned about the mental game of pool and billiards written by a competitive pool player on her road to pro. (#03)
